This poignant blog post from Matt at Chandler Criminal Defense is worth reading – it takes guts to blog about a loss at trial, knowing that potential clients as well as your peers will be reading. I’ve been there, and this post captures the feeling of just having lost a hard fought battle against overwhelming odds, and seeing your client’s life taken away with the stroke of a pen.
Matt describes a client who signed two “confessions,” and yet who proclaimed his innocence and insisted on a trial – the right thing to do was exactly what Matt did, fight for his client and give him his right to a trial by jury – if innocent, his client will forever feel betrayed by the system, by his country and by the jurors who decided the case against him, but he will never say that his lawyer did not stand up and fight for him. He will never say that he is in prison because his lawyer forced him to plead guilty.
After a loss, we wonder what we did wrong, or what we could have done differently. We tear apart the case, the preparation, the trial, looking for clues to why the jury decided the way that they did. Usually we find the errors, we catalogue them, and store them for future use.
Criminal defense is not an easy job, and it’s never tougher than when you’ve just lost a trial. The only benefit is that a loss leads to reflection. It’s no consolation for my client, but I am never more acutely aware of the lives of the people I represent or the importance of what I’m doing. A loss does more to make me a better lawyer than any win could ever hope to do.
Matt notes that details from the trial that he would never have thought of had he won are pouring into his mind. Matt’s post makes it clear that he cares about his case, and he cares about his client – the first step to winning a case is to care. The pain and the devastation that we feel after a loss is a testament to how much we allowed ourselves to care for our client – it is a pain that motivates us to become better lawyers and to become better people.
Maybe we do learn more in defeat than in victory.